Things I Loved About Today

I Loved :::
Dinner with my sister and mom
Reading a 450 page book in one day
A Cozy blanket
Warm socks
Listening to good songs
Talking with my mom
Losing my credit card and ID
Sleeping in till 10 am
Talking to friend about relationships with Jesus
Laughing
People who don't understand how much I really love them
Some newfound favorite quotes
My car being on Empty all day
Not giving one word of advice
Getting a call from my brother
Wearing my pajamas
Updating journals
Watching a movie with my little sister
Indescribable friends
Notes left to me unexpectedly
Letters I have written and not sent
Thinking about sleep

I'm headed for bed shortly. Gnite

Nothin Bout Love Makes Sense

Like a cloud full of rain shouldn't hang in the sky
Ice shouldn't burn or a bumblebee fly
If you feel so happy, then why do you cry?
Oh nothin' bout love makes sense.

Like an ocean liner shouldn't float on the sea
A pearl in an oyster or a circus of fleas
Someone so perfect can't be falling for me.
Oh nothin' bout love makes sense.

Nothin' bout love is less than confusing
You can win when you're losing, stand when you're falling
I can't figure it out.
Nothin' bout love can make an equation nothin' short of amazing
Wish I could explain it
But I don't know how.

The way that we dance, the reason we dream
That big Italian tower, well how does it lean?
Something so strong shouldn't make me this weak
Oh nothin' bout love makes sense.

Nothin' bout love is less than confusing
You can win when you're losing, stand when you're falling
I can't figure it out.
Nothin' bout love can make an equation nothin' short of amazing
Wish I could explain it
But I don't know how.

Like the lights of Las Vegas going out on the sand
A jumbo shrimp or a baby grand
How you're touching my heart when you're holding my hand
Oh nothin' bout love makes sense
Oh nothin' bout love makes sense
Oh nothin' bout love, makes sense
No no no, oh it don't make sense.

Uh hum *Cough* My Thanksgiving Day

So after getting a subtle hint that I did not find time to update my blog... I am here to write about my day with my family in Michigan.
There weren't a lot of us, about 18 or so. We always have all the usual good food: turkey, ham, corn, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberry salad, bread, salad, and the biggest assortment of deserts ever. That's of course, the best part.
By far the weirdest thing that happened is that right in the middle of dinner, my eye starts watering and acting psycho...prolly cause I wear my contacts for a week at a time and have an infection.... BUT, that is no reason for it to act up right in the middle of the best holiday of my year! So, after much reluctance, i decide to just take the stupid contact out and be done with it, thinking it will all be fine. Well, as you can well imagine, it did not go away. My siblings were quick to agree I looked like I was on drugs, and my family was overall, concerned. Lot's of random things always are said and happen with my family. My aunt thought I had pink eye. My uncle later told me I have a southern accent, which my cousin and his wife agreed on. I disagree. My brother and little sister always have a tickle fight when they get close to each other. My great aunt always wants to squirt whip cream into our mouths. And my cousin Jordan always makes us laugh so hard while we eat that everyone gets jealous and wants to sit at our end of the table. Good times.
Over all it ended with me taking a nap so my eye would stop being stupid, my family playing dominoes and hand and foot, watching football, eating more food, me taking pictures, and lots of goodbyes, and "see you next month".It was a great day... and basically the best holiday of the year. I love my family. They're all funny we always have way too much fun than should be allowed.
And tonight, I am going out to eat, to a movie, and then to hang out with Kayla... it will definitely be informational and eventful. Drama is excluded, because we're levelheaded. Interesting is the only word that comes to mind. And fun of course!

I stole this from erica... and janelle :) So kill me for copying and pasting, I don't care. It looks fun, and I like fun! So here goes:

I WILL: never be able to keep my room clean
I MISS: janelle and erica
I HEAR: an airplane flying overhead
I SMELL: absolutely nothing lol
I CRAVE: choco peanut butter ice cream
I REGRET: not telling people how much I love them
I LOVE: my friends
I FORGOT: to get gas today
I ALWAYS: put chapstick on in my car
I SING: way off key and obnoxiously loud by myself
I CANT: sing with people who sound good
I LOSE: my mind all the time
I LIKE: writing things down
I LISTEN: to everyone no matter what or when
I WORRY: less than I used to
I DISAPPOINT: myself all the time
I ENJOY: taking pictures
I FEAR: that I'll be alone for a long time
I DESERVE: nothing, I have everything
I SEE: a lot that I shouldn't
I PLAY: try to play the guitar
I NEVER: want to make people mad
I HAVE: too many thoughts
I NEED: some good music
I KNOW: that life is way too short
I WANT: a boyfriend
I OBSESS: over will smith
I BELIEVE: that I have a lot to learn
I WISH: that I could go to Thailand in January to see Daniel
I CRY: over a lot lately
I FEEL: like this is a good week

Better This Time

My last entry as so depressing! I reread it and was saying to myself, "Goodness, I sound horrible!" Anyways, this is a quick post and then I am back to discussion time.
1. Thoughts are amazing, especially improv ones that come out beautifully.
2. Laughter really is the best medicine.
3. God is faithful.
4. My sugar cookies came out beautifully... I am proud.
5. I am in dire need of good music.
6. Did I mention God is faihtful?
7. Good conversations make my day.
8. Friends are amazing. Simply amazing. I love them.
9. My bed is possibly my favorite place.
10. I love hearing the rain. The best sound.
11. What door in the house of your heart do you keep closed?
12. Jesus already died for whatever you keep inside. You can trust him with everything.
13. Let go, and let God.
14. Love covers a multitude of sins.
15. He died for us while we were yet sinners.

Feeling Overwhelmed

So... I worked today. Walmart will now consume my life once again. I have the most random hours in the world tho, but I'm to the point where I'll take what I can get. And I need the money. I have a car to pay off, college to save for, car insurance, people to pay, and a credit card bill. I hate bills. Despise them actually. But they never go away. Anyways, I'm training at wally world to be a cashier, and I have all this crap I have to know for tomorrow and just have no energy. But am forcing myself to study all of it. Junk I tell you, a bunch of junk.
Um... went shopping tonight. My mom forced me... well she kept telling me to leave and go, but I hate shopping as much as I hate bills. It's ridiculously annoying and takes forever to find what I want. And trying on clothes is the pits. But I went. I raided Old Navy and bought 7 shirts, and a sweet winter coat. (I am very proud of the coat purchase!) And then bought 2 pairs of pants from Kohl's, the best store ever, and a black belt. And really, it didn't take me all that long, I have found I shop quickly b/c it bugs me so much lol. Record time in and out, and successful in my endeavor!! Doesn't get much better for a disgruntled shopper lol
Lately, I have felt like a therapist. Not that I don't love it tho, cause it's the sweet and I love giving advice and working out problems. But, sometimes I wish someone else would be me for a bit and I could vent and unload. I try and remember that I can let Jesus be there for me, but it's hard. I try to lean on myself for my problems and just get through them, instead of letting go and not worrying. I don't know. I feel like I'm talking and not really saying anything. Plus it's not important at all. I'm done.
So I think I have narrowed down college to 2 choices... but am still looking in case more come to mind and strike a nerve. So at this point, it's looking like Virginia Tech (Christiansburg, VA) and Multnomah (Portland, OR). I would write out the pros and cons, but am too tired. That'll be for a later date. So prolly not gonna be in toledo after this next summer. I really do love Toledo, it's my hometown. It's just comfortable. But maybe it's time to get to school, gain some knowledge, and figure out my next step in life. I don't like big decisions either. They scare me. I'm always too afraid I'll make the wrong one. I'm a scaredy cat basically, I know. But working on it. So I'm wokring towards progress!
Okay, I need to go read some more junk, and the head to bed. Work 12-6 tomorrow. I can make it. Dear God help me, cause it's gonna be rough. :: sigh :: Okay. I can do all things through Christ who strangthens me. I'll be okay... I hope. Nite!

I'm cheating tonight

I always said I would never copy and paste from my other website, but I have to tonight, er... this morning. This post just somehow took on a mind of its own... so here goes...

:: John Piper :: "Spirit filled souls are ablaze for God. They love with a love that glows. They serve with a faith that kindles. They serve with a devotion that consumes. They hate sin with fierceness that burns. They rejoice with a joy that radiates. Love is perfected in the fire of God."

:: John Piper :: "The one concern of the devil is to keep Christians from praying. He fears nothing from prayerless studies, prayerless work, and prayerless religion. He laughs at our toil, mocks at our wisdom, but trembles when we pray."

I can't even allow myself to follow up those quotes with mindless chatter. I want to read his books. I just have to find them. So, yeah, talk about not knowing what to say after finding those quotes, they have stunned me senseless. Amazing what a few well placed words can do to a person. "Love is perfected in the fire of God."

So, still working on my walk, my prayer life, how my actions speak of his love. Daily striving to be somwhere deeper than the day before. Seeking Him. Seeking His face. Trying to trusting Him fully. Love Him more. Walk in faith. See the spiritual and not physical. It's a rough road. It's definitely an uphill road. And I may only make it one step, but that one step changes my life a little bit more. It cause me to want more, to go farther, to try harder, to look intently into who I am. In that I always find myself a sinner, who daily seeks to ask my father for grace that I am unworthy of having. But grateful to be handed. He is gracious. He is faithful. He disciplines when needed, and holds me when I'm hurt. He is disappointed with decisions and actions, of that I have no doubt. But he puts me back on my feet and tells me to try again, on His strength, not my own. He amazes me at every turn. Every word. Every day. :: Prayer :: Be my passion, be my song. Be my strength and my shield. Be my father and my friend. Break me. Pour me out. Fill me with you. Mold me. Make me. Rebuild me in you. I want to love you more. Don't let a day pass that doesn't have your presence. Your absence stills my soul. My heart seeks to find you in the silence. I'm in the wilderness. I'm nowhere, yet you're everywhere that surrounds me. Come quickly. Hear me. I need you more. I want more of you. I've become so disgustingly sick of of settling. So turned off by powerless prayers and powerless people. I'm learning to seek you in the silence. To listen in the stillness. You don't seek loud voices and unfelt words, but you come searching for sincere voices and heartfelt words that seek nothing but to know you more. Intimately. On a purely and completely real level. Your level. Take me there. There is nothing I want more. As scared spitless as I will be, and as utterly speechless and unworthy, I seek you wholeheartedly. "Love is perfected in the fire of God."

What else is there to say. What more could I say. What less could I say. He does wonders without words. These are merely words, that pour out of me when I cannot speak. But they flow out when in the silence and the stillness that comes with the wilderness. It is a wilderness that is covered by the shadow of his wings.

My Mind

1. I am considering starting a support group for addicted readers, like myself.
2. It has been concluded by many that the west coast is simply labeled as "Where it's at."
3. I was asked today by someone who had known me for all of 3 hours: "Do you have a life?"
4. I had a friend give me a rose the other day just because. That's the best.
5. I hate being hot.
6. Learning to play the guitar is a lot harder than I imagined, yet my mom tells me I'm a fast learner. Messed up.
7. I have discovered that toothpicks are an amazing invention. Chewing on wood. It's genius. I mean... Instant millions!
8. Friendships are more important than people realize.
9. I have realized that I love my name. Love it. 19 years... and I just now contemplate the beauty of my name!
10. AIM is addicting. There's another support group, AA: AIM's Anonymous
11. I have more energy at 3 am than I do at noon.
12. Sleep is a blessed and beautiful thing. Get as much as you possibly can every day!! And if you can't, then I have pity for you because that is just sad.
13. I have yet to see Napoleon Dynamite. But I know, I know, it's one of the funniest movies ever made!
14. Sleep deprivation is not always lack of sleep, but a constant need for more sleep
15. 4 am and I'm typing in this thing. I really do need a life.

The Weekend

10 Highlights and hindsight of the past 3 days

1. I become somewhat "off my rocker" after 3 cans of live wire mountain dew
2. It is not wise to go see a really scary movie by yourself
3. I saw a shooting star... a good one (Some are still bitter only I saw it)
4. Naps on Sunday afternoons are pure bliss
5. I will always choose a good movie and a good friend of a drunken stupor
6. Running on 2-4 hours of sleep daily is not advised but can be done
7. Who knew a random sunday school class could penetrate so deeply into my spiritual walk
8. Playing in leaves just makes me smile
9. Randomitity (is that a word?) is so much fun
10. I simply love good long hugs

Jesus

I was just writing in my prayer journal last night how life so easily gets me down at times. I honestly feel like throwing in the towel so many times a day because I think life gets too hard, too complicated, or too overwhelming. But since when did Jesus tell me life would be easy? To quote a man of God, "Life is not a sprint. it is a marathon that we sprint." And a greuling and difficult one at that. But I somehow feel priviledged to even be a part of it. Funny how that works.
And on days like today, I don't know. I just don't know. Only He does. I can honestly say that I don't make it through a day without His mercy and grace. There are definitely times that I stumble, times when I'm down, times when I have doubts, and times when I feel lost and unsure. But I'd rather put faith in the small hope I have to grasp onto, than on the doubts and thoughts that seem to overtake me. He's faithful, even when I'm not. And I am certainly not very consistent with it. But I don't want to just write down all my faults and struggles. For one, they are too numerous to count. And two, we all have them and I just like to remember that Christ died for us while we yet sinners. Thankfully, he loved me long before I ever loved him. And he still loves me more than he loves himself. Which amazes me, but humbles me in the best way. So all in all, I guess this post merely states that "I don't know". But I'm very glad He does. And this verse I memorized a long time ago has been in my mind and heart for months. I'll put it down first, then finish talking...
::: Psalm 19:14 :::
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."
How awesome is that verse? Makes me feel unworthy and downright horrible just thinking about it. But talk about conviction... at least I know I feel a check in my Spirit just reading it. I know my words are not always pleasing to him, and neither are the meditations of my heart. It's a daily struggle. One day at a time. let tomorrow worry about itself. Very good advice I need to take literally. So I guess I just need to keep praying. Trust God. Do what's right. And rest in Him. Nite all.

Just Crazy

So I'm not really sick anymore... well not with allergies. Now, I'm just dying from some psycho sickness that has taken over me. I have not kept a single thing in my stomach for the last 48 hours. Nothing. It's making me shaky, weak, and tired. I hate it. I think I'm gonna go to the doctor tomorrow so this can stop.
As for good things, me and my little sister passed out candy to really cute little kids yesterday. But we ran out so fast because the adorable kids got big handfuls of candy! :) But it was fun and we dressed up too, as prom queens, and sat on my porch for about an hour. The kids were so funny. So that was my enjoyment.
I'm off for now... need to drink some gingerale and figure out how to not die soon.

Some Random Thinking by Pastor Adam

Psalm 44: 1-8 "O God, we have heard it with our own ears--our ancestors have told us of all you did in other days, in days long ago: You drove out the pagan nations and gave all the land to our ancestors; you crushed their enemies, setting our ancestors free. They did not conquer the land with their swords; it was not their own strength that gave them victory. It was by your mighty power that they succeeded; it was because you favored them and smiled on them. You are my King and my God. You command victories for your people. Only by your power can we push back our enemies; only in your name can we trample our foes. I do not trust my bow; I do not count on my sword to save me. It is you who gives us victory over our enemies; it is you who humbles those who hate us. O God, we give glory to you all day long and constantly praise your name." Remembering is a good thing, it makes you grateful. He reminds you: "I took you from ashes to beauty." And my youth pastor said something that made me agree, "I don't wanna hear so much as I wanna see." I don't wanna hear these stories and miracles as much as I wanna see them for myself, here and now.
::: Quotes and Insight from PA (Pastor Adam)
- God will move around you if you aren't moving with him.
- It's amazing what the American church can do without God. What could God do without us?
- Only God solves problems.
- The minute we act without God, we step out of trusting him.
- If you lined up the unsaved in a line, they would wrap around the equator 39 times.
- 66, 000 people a day die and go to hell.
- If a tape measure was stretched from LA to NY, our lifespan represents less than 1/16 of an inch.
- God esteems me higher than himself. Loves me more than he loves himself.
- We don't understand endurance like the world does. Take Dr. Seuss. he was rejected by 29 publishers. just imagine them reading his book, "One fish... two fish. Red fish... blue fish." He now sells 900 copies of cat in the hat every 6 months.
- Don't give up, get up!
- Michael Rowen "Put up what your mouthing off."
- Our belief of the future must make something happen in the present.
- The good things in life will keep you from the best of God. The good is the worst enemy of the best.