[[ "because" ]]

---

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, Doesn't mean you shine any less. Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, Doesn't stop you from being the best. Just because no one has come along to share your life, Doesn't mean that day isn't coming. Just because no one has made this race worthwhile, Doesn't give you permission to stop running. Just because no one has realized how much of an awesome woman you are, Doesn't mean they can affect your femininity. Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, Doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs. Just because you deserve the very best there is, Doesn't mean that life is always fair. Just because God is still preparing your king, Doesn't mean that you're not already a Queen. Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, Doesn't mean you need to change a thing.

--- T.D. Jakes

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas!!

".... I can see me now on Christmas morning,

creeping down the stairs

Oh what joy and what surprise

when I open up my eyes

to see a hippo hero standing there ...."

A day I will never forget,

for a few reasons ...

Late December

Robitussin Honey Lemon cough/throat drops have become my new best friend tonight. I've just carried a bag around, unwrapping one after another. It's good to know my addictions are easily breakable lol. I'm watching Two Weeks Notice. Again. It's so great. Oh!! And, tonight, after work, I rushed home and changed, and headed back out. Normally I have church every Sunday night, but tonight, tonight was a special night. We have been planning this huge murder mystery dinner for weeks. And I got to dress up as a freelance reporter for the new york times and try and weasle information out of people! It was great! And even better was the fact that I won!! Yes, that's right, I am the rghtful owner of a Meijer $10 gift certificate. I know, I know, hard to believe I could win a real life Clue game, but I just so happened to find out a lot about people. So if you ever want something fun to do, get online and buy the game and play with a group of friends. It was a blast!

::

And my sister and my mom baked all day today so we have christmas cookies galore. What a great time of year ;) So I'll be eating those for weeks to come haha. Ugh, and I have to work all day tomorrow. Which means I should get this butt of mine to bed and actually get some sleep. I hope you're all having a wonderful week :) Gnite friends

[[ out of nowhere ]]

I think I'm getting sick. I've had this annoying throat thing since I woke up this morning. That irritating slice of pain when I swallow, and the constant need to clear my throat, which sends more pain radiating down my throat. Doesn't it sound lovely? I know you're all quite jealous at this moment, and trust me, you should be.

On another note, I have just decided that I simply love Two Weeks Notice. I was not the most dedicated fan of it before now, but after watching it, I have now decided that it is possibly one of my favorites. You can disagree if you want, I think I'd be just fine with that. And I feel like I am writing with this weird attitude, but I'm not sure what that is, just that it seems to be continuing. So bear with me on the randomness and that would be great.

I think I am beginning to understand myself more. See myself a bit more clearly. Realizing that I may have quirks and things that will prolly never change, but knowing that's okay. And at the same time understanding that there are some things that could be different. That I can change. That I don't have to be who I was, or am right now, or will be later. I can rest in the assurance of being who I am on a day to day basis and knowing that I have friends and family that will always know me and love me despite my faults and stupidities and insecurities. That whether I am in school, working, doing both or even neither, I'm accepted. That whether I stay here in Toledo, move to the west coast, or go to do missions and live in a shack in south africa... I have options and decisions that will never be held against me. They will never tell me it's not good enough, never accuse me of being lackluster, and will always support me. And I realized that there is nothing else more great, than that. Just being able to have people that love me regardless. It's simply beautiful. So if you're reading this, you can most likely be included, and I thank you. I really do. You're amazing.

Okay, now that's said and done, I am going to take a shower and collapse into my bed and hide for a few hours under my feather comforter. I have no clue why i wrote this post and don't even want to question it right now. So I'm going. To bed. Talk to you all later.

Cobwebs

Single window
Sun rays streaming in
Reflecting off the mirror
Driving out darkness
Up high
In the shadows
Lies the evidence
Of a boarded up room
Below me
Marked by my footprints
Sits the dust of time
Marring the rich wood
The walls
Brighter than remembered
After wiped down
And illuminated
Every corner
Now scrutinized
Swiped with a broom
Restored to it's splendor
Standing to leave
Looking back on progress
In the doorway of change
Knowing it's a start
It was long overdue
And high time
To clean the cobwebs out
Of this heart of mine

Frigid Ohio

It is 11:52 p.m. and the temperature is holding at an ridiculously cold 12 degrees in the northwest corner of Ohio tonight. Literally, as I type, my fingers are frozen... and I've been inside my house all night. I think I have lost my ability to to keep the cold from sinking into my bones. I used to be pretty good at handling winter weather. So either my body has not had time to adjust to this frigid burst, or I am just messed up. No need to really give me your opinion of the two either... I'm pretty sure you'd all just say I was messed up. I prefer to think otherwise :-P

This week brings a boatload of work and finals along with the weather. But busy is better than idle, or so they say. I can be pretty satisfied with idle at times. Like today. I read, I went to the dentist [not fun], came home, read some more, went to a meeting, came home, read some more. It was pretty great. But I knew if I didn't finish my book now, this week would not go well because I would steal time from studying and end up curled in my comforter reading trying to get to the end.

My meeting was for the new church, and more specifically in a way, the new youth building and group of kids that will be there. We were all out at the new property looking at the buildings, visualizing what would and wouldn't work, and envisioning a generation of youth that will want to go after God. Meet him. Know him.

I'm starting to get really excited. So much so that other things begin to dim in comparison. Like school. I can't say that I've ever been one of those people that has had a passion for a career, a job, a specific plan I see myself living. So many of my friends and family are so... driven. They have clear goals and the determination to accomplish them. Granted it's not always without struggle and sacrifice, but they make it happen. I just still feel so out of place among people like that. That quote from the previous post is from the movie Mona Lisa. And I admit that I feel like a wanderer. But I do not consider myself aimless. I am just not aimed on a career, or a job, or a high paying dream... but a life. I just want to live a life worthy of the calling I have received. If that includes having a husband, raising a family, writing books, being a photographer, an editor, owning a bookstore, being a missionary, living in Africa, teaching english, or being a stay at home mom... any of those options is plausible and would leave me as content and happy as can be. :: If it's a life worthy of the calling. :: I don't have grand future plans in order. And I may not have any 5 year goals to execute, or even an idea of where I see myself in 10 years, but I know that I am still safely secured in the palm of His hand. And for me, that is enough. So don't tell me I am foolish for not having plans, or say I am aimless in my wandering, or look at me with disappointment for not fulfilling all of your dreams for me, just know that very good things are to come, and life will not be dull. Not for a moment.

:: still finding my way ::

"Some would say she is an aimless wanderer. But not all who wander are aimless."

[[ I'm wishing on a star, to follow where you are ]]