revelation song

worthy is the Lamb who was slain
holy holy is He
sing a new song to Him who sits on
heavens mercy seat

holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty
who was and is and is to come
with all creation I sing
praise to the King of Kings
you are my everything
and I will adore you

clothed in rainbows of living color
flashes of lightening rolls of thunder
blessing and honor strength and glory and power be
to you the only wise King

holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty
who was and is and is to come
with all creation I sing
praise to the King of Kings
you are my everything
and I will adore you

filled with wonder awestruck wonder
at the mention of your name
Jesus, your name is power
breath and living water
such a marvelous mystery

holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty
who was and is and is to come
with all creation I sing
praise to the King of Kings
your are my everything
and I will adore you

nothing

It's so lovely outside today, I might just have to go play tennis with Becky. I love having wednesdays off. Can just chill and do whatever til church tonight. Altho I might try and get another job to fill in some free time and make some extra money. We'll see how that goes.

I really don't have much to say. I'm in a very chill mood. I think I'll just go grab a few more cookies, play some tennis, and relax a bit more while I can. Maybe I'll write more later . . .

late night thoughts

you know, I should be trying to sleep right now. It's 12:30 and I have to be up in a little over 5 hours for work. Altho I slept quite a bit last night, and even fell asleep on my couch for an hour earlier. It was one of those times where I laid down and covered up just trying to get warm because my basement is so dang cold sometimes... and then within about 10 minutes I felt really tired. Which I shouldn't have been, unless I'm getting too much sleep now. But regardless, I fell asleep and it was some of the best sleep ever known to man. Naps are like that. Normally the most restful sleep I ever get. So now I am contemplating whether even going to sleep will be worth it, or if I should just come home and take a long nap after work tomorrow at about 2. I'll think about it.

Every monday at 3 a few of us get together at panera with Adam, the youth pstor, and get to talk, and have some discipleship time. And I realized, sitting there with these guys for 2 hours, how much I need accountability. Just knowing I will be there on mondays, and at church on sunday morning, and youth on wednesday night, and at our home group on sunday night... it makes me realize how much stability it gives me with my walk. Knowing I will be held accountable by people who love me and won't let me slack and do what I want. I'm a sucker without it. I know I am not strong. Maybe some areas over others, but in general, I just came to the realization of how important the body is. It's so... humbling. Knowing that I cannot make it on my own. Maybe oneday I will be. But as of now, I only have His strength to sustain me. And this post has now gotten a very serious note to it. Normally I keep them pretty carefree and leave the heavier stuff to other journals and other times, but I guess tonight there is no censor, so hope everyone deals with that all right.

I'm basically getting very tired of compromise. Very tired of tolerating. Veryexhausted over trying to please everyone in their different ideas, and beliefs, and concepts. I understand that everyone's doctrine will be different, and these days everyone interprets and takes from the word what they will. But does that really change the whole message? I guess I am rambling at this point, but why a not? I'm finding myself getting very sick of sin, and mostly my own. But in general, it is starting to really disgust me. it hasn't always, as sad as that is. But the more I realize what he's done for me, the more I question why I do the stupid things I do. For my slavation, I owe him everything. My life, my days, my actions, my words. So why don't I live it? Why don't I live it? Do I really not believe what I say I do? Because if I really believe what I claim to believe, I would live every day for the glory of God and not do all the stupid things I find myself doing. So I must conclude and say this: I'm sick of living for me. I just want to live for Him. And I can only pray He teaches me and does whatever He needs to, because this has got to stop.

I have to believe.

He says He's forever faithful
He says He's forever true
He says He can move mountains
If he can move mountains,
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain too
I have to believe

holla

who's ready for randomness from a day in deanna's life? I know you're all holding your breath waiting for this... it's really that good! What can I say, boring can be quite humorous.

• driving to and from home today I played Dodge The Rolling Trash Cans down my street. It is improving my maneuverability...
• enjoying the new DTE (destination to end) gas mileage notifier in my truck. including driving home last night as it said :DTE 0 ... and I was still a few miles away from a gas station. It was quite thrilling.
• Picking up Becky from the airport and having her exclaim, "I'm just so happy to talk to a girl!" as she climbed inside. She had spent five days on an army base surrounded by too much testosterone.
• Getting the drive to detroit down pat. after a few more trips I'll have this down to an art. " at approx 81 mph you can make it in 51 min and 28 secs." just kidding.
• At work today I actually knew where things were... I was ecstatic to be able to show a customer where an onion chopper was. That felt good. I mean, do you know where the onion chopper is located in the store? That's what I thought :) lol
• I came home from a 7am to 1 pm shift today, put a sweatshirt on, and sat down on the couch to watch Domestic Disturbance, flipped between ER reruns and Dr. Phil on overprotective moms, then watched Ellen. I just managed to transfer to the computer chair and will go upstairs to eat new pizza hut cheesy bites in a few minutes. mmm food :)
• I have "we belong together" stuck in my head... and have been enjoying checking peoples' myspace while letting it play over and over. it's all brittany's fault, she has the video playing. oh, and if you want to watch two hilarious short videos from the trip to my dads, go to: www.myspace.com/regardingme
• okay, off I go... and j-love, don't cry my dear. I will send you another more upbeat letter to cheer you up!
• much love, this girl is outta here!

sunny saturday

well, you're just across the street
looks a mile to my feet
I wanna go to you
funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

could it be that everything goes 'round by chance?
or only one way that it was always meant to be
you kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
from the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I need answers for what all the waiting after means
you kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

so go on love
leave while there's still hope for escape
gotta take what you can these days
there's so much ahead
so much regret
I know what you want to say
I know people can't help feeling differently
I loved you, and I should have said it
tell me just what has it ever meant?

I can't help it baby, this is who I am
sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel
you kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

In other news on this great saturday:

• I work again tomorrow. the new job is going well, I might try and get another one. but bed bath and beyond so far has some interesting people, a few fun ones, and most likely a few insane ones. but that's every job.
• I just straightened my hair and decided I still love it short. it is so much easier to do as well. who knows, maybe next time I'll even go a little shorter. might as well since I have no one to please but myself.
• lisa is back from spring break. she's tan and tired from all the fun in the sun. that is why we (yes, all of us) hate her. (okay, maybe just strongly dislike.) but she had a blast in florida and prolly enough for me too, so I can forgive her for looking that good...eventually.
• one situation that must be remedied, and quick, is my j-love. We have not talked in... oh, um...prolly, forever! I mean, come on, really, I know you're leaving in like 16 days or something... but we need to regain the twin mind. as freaky as that is... it's great too. so I will hunt you down one of these days... even if that means calling you on the phone. I mean it! I hate the phone too so you know this is dwindling down to desperation.
• it is march already. I was supposed to send kayla a b-day card a few days ago, so she's actually get it tomorrow... on her b-day... but yeah, I didn't. I'm a horrible friend. hopefully she will forgive my absent-mindedness since she will be in florida herself on spring break with a group of gorgeous girls. hey, a few days late and she'll never know. I can just blame it on the united states postal service or something :)
• I went to a tc game last night. district finals. they lost. by a thre point shot at the buzzer. it was so sad and depressing. but we won't talk about actually seeing people. it freaks me out going back. i feel like I should wear a hooded sweatshirt and hide my identity so i don't have to talk to people I used to know. after about 2 minutes of awkward mindless conversation and monosyllable answers, I'm ready to leave and then it's just weird to bolt. okay, I'm done talking about it.
• I will say that Failure to Launch was a great movie. surprisingly funny at times, and I didn't hate sarah jessica parker like I thought I might. she actually fit the part quite well. and the boys in this movie... you can't go wrong. they are just adorable. so def go see it.
• And driving anywhere with j,d, and b is bound to be entertaining. love you guys! it was a blast hanging out at the game and even after with ll the psycho drama that goes along with friends we all know and love... and sometimes hate. well, who are we kidding, it's really most of the time. but it's all good, we're all on the same page and everyone seems to be reading a different book on maintaining friendships, so let's just keep going and not worry about everyone catching up lol :)

okay, I'm really craving and ice cream cone right now, so I'm going to stop by a mcdonalds and head to my other house to finish reading a really good book. there might be more things to say, but I'll save them for another day. can't post everything in one sitting, I'd have nothing to write for at least another week. my life is that thrilling... scary huh? love you friends, hope everyone is enjoying their weekend... it's been beautiful here! =)

uh, yeah

hmmm . . .

I've watched two movies already today, and am contemplating going with brittany to another one, or renting a few. It's just a movie day. I've also consumed quite a few butterfinger mini's. They are so yummy. I slept in today which is what prolly resulted in this being such a lazy day. The more I sleep the more tired I get.

I really have nothing to say.

I just felt I should write something, however trivial. Change up the pace of the day.

I'm done.

and now...

Well, up and changed the template again. That's what happens when I get bored. Blogger needs to come up with a few more templates I think, I'm getting sick of choosing from all the same ones I've seen forever. Need to spice up their creativity a bit.

I've been having the most interesting dreams lately. Last night I had this action/thriller one with lisa and my dad. Then I woke up and fell back alseep to have this really weird one... but I felt like I was watching a play in my mind. Like I could have sat up fully awake and grabbed a notepad to write it down as it kept reeling through my head in snapshots. I know it sounds weird, but I swear I'm not psycho...

I read this fiction book called Blue Nights (decent but not a must go read right now) but it did have some interesting quotes in it that I really liked. I'll post a few at the end. Lately, I sit at my computer and feel like there's so much I could write... could fill pages with thoughts, but then I actually begin to write and begin to realize it doesn't fit this page. All my journals seem to have different feels, and sometimes it annoys me. Maybe I should get rid of them all and just have one. I don't know. Just a frustrating/annoying feeling when you want to write, but at the same time having nothing to write. I'm done now. I'll just end up putting a whole bunch of nonsense down.

Hours continuing long, sore and heavy-hearted
Hours at dusk, when I withdrew to a lonesome and
unfrequented spot, seating myself,
leaning my face in my hands;

Hours sleepless, deep in the night, when I go forth,
speeding swiftly the country roads, or through the city streets,
or pacing miles and miles, stifling plaintive cries;

Hours discouraged, distracted---for the one
I cannot content myself without.

Hours when I am forgotten (O weeks and months are passing,
but I believe I am never to forget!) . . .


---Walt Whitman

no title

I saw my mom's wedding dress tonight. She's beautiful. Becky had been with her last week when she tried it on so me and Lisa went with her tonight so we could see the full effect. It's gorgeous, and looks perfectly wonderful. I'm so excited for her... it's amazing to sit and talk about wedding details with your mom, being able to see her light up because she's so completely happy. It's been a long time coming, and she deserves every moment of happiness. Only about 5 months left to go til the big day.

I got the job at bed bath and beyond. I start monday at 3. I won't get full-time, but for now I'll take it cause I need it. Who knows, maybe I'll find another part time job and see if I can correlate them both. I definitely could use the money. So I'm now employed =)

It's really annoying to not eat what you feel like. The last two days have consisted of oatmeal, scrambled eggs, frosty's, drinking ensure, and a bit of yogurt here and there. All this harassment to my mouth, you'd think the least it could do is help me lose a few pounds... we'll see. It'd be a nice added bonus that's for sure.

So everyone is leaving for great spring break destinations soon. Ireland, England, Florida, Cali... I'll gladly beg and stuff myself into a suitcase...

And I think I've decided what I'm going back to school for in the fall... but I'm not positive, so I'll wait on revealing that. It's definitely not fine arts, that's for sure. I love photography, and will keep taking pictures for the rest of my life prolly, but a career? Not so sure. It's my favorite hobby at the moment so I don't want to make it a "must do all the time". It'd ruin it for me.

Off to read or watch a movie. Long day tomorrow. More lyrics:

[[ waking ashland ]]
Oh no the battle forms inside
And I speak, but you don't see the signs
My heart aches, leaving me here to hide
My world shakes, until you assure me

Oh no there goes composure
Over and out to sea
Oh no this won't control me
But it seems to get the best of me

The same problem, coming to haunt me again
And I know its taken the best of my head
The same problem tears me to pieces inside
And I'm left to wonder oh why...

Oh no I'm crossing my fingers
In hopes that you will not leave me
Far away, the silence it burns me
As I wait, the tension builds

Oh why can't I move forward?
Oh why does my mind wander?
Oh why does my heart desire you?

Oh no there goes composure...