a prayer

::

beneath my shadows and doubts
as light pierces and climbs through
after thoughts fail to invade
when pretending is sufficiently smothered
I listen and hear my own heartbeat--
to say it beats steady and true
I cannot admit to saying in confidence
I falter quite often along the way
and in brief moments
I blink away the world and wonder how
backsliding can seem convincing
and I weep at the pain
in knowing retreats appeal
because I have not learned
not fully understood
not been truly prepared
to learn to live by dying
but if I do not die
I do not live

::