Simplistic

Am I too complicated? Do I make things complicated? Is being complex bad? So many questions. No answers.

I want to be simple minded, but not simple in having a substance in my soul, thoughts, emotions. Maybe substance doesn't depend on simple or complex, but merely how you you produce answers, solutions, and an end product. Does any of this make sense? I feel like I'm grabbing in the dark here. Looking for anything to quench this feeling of uncertainty. But its almost not uncertainty... more like a need to understand. But understaning isn't always needed or required. Just faith. Trust. Belief. Not simple things, but not complex either. Just real. True. Beautiful in and of themselves. I need to take a deep breath.
Air, the very substance of something I can't see but rely on for life. Kind of like God. Lord knows, I could use some uplifting right about now. It's so easy to give into sleep, rest, and silence. But none of those would do me any good. I'd just have restless sleep like the days before. Rest that wasn't calming in any way. And silence that only made my thoughts stray a little more.
But I know that all of that, is in the direct correlation of the fact that God is getting my attention, trying to tell me something, having to hit me over the head with it, no doubt. I can be very stubborn. I will admit it. Oh Jesus, give me wisdom, knowledge, and understanding to deal with what I don't even know yet, and to handle what I already know and the life I live. Help me to hold onto what I should, and let go of what I don't need.... and the ability to know the difference. You're stirring something deep within me, and I have yet to uncover what it is.